According to the Oxford English Dictionary, the earliest use of the word “elope” can be dated back to the 14th century. But most likely it’s been going on for much longer than that. Back in the days, eloping basically referred to when a woman left her husband to get married with her lover. This sounds a bit negative and dramatic, I know! But the meaning of the word has gone through a significant change. Today, the word doesn’t have a negative feeling to it at all. More couples than ever before decide to have an elopement instead of a traditional wedding.
With that said, we cannot deny the fact that elopements, and even sometimes destination weddings can provoke reactions from friends and family – if you decide to reveal your plans before going through with it!
So the question is, is it rude to elope and exclude your entire family from your wedding? Or deciding on having an intimate destination wedding?
The answer is NO, absolutely not!
But what do you do when your friends and family keep on questioning your decisions, or even openly disapproves of you eloping?
It’s a complicated topic to balance. But after all, it’s your day and you should do you. Here comes a few advice on how you can handle the situation.
When it comes to your parents, I personally think that they really want to be there. That’s most likely the reason why they would frown upon your decision to elope. Some parents really dream of their children getting married and have a hard time understanding why you wouldn’t want to have a big wedding and party. If the financial aspect isn’t the reason for your choice to elope, it can be even more complicated for them to understand your choice because the decision is not coming from a financial aspect but from your personal preference. My advice is that you sit down with them, and really explain why you have decided to do it. Tell them that you understand that it feels hard and a bit sad for them but that you would really appreciate if they could get behind your choice.
Just like the parents, you might get similar reactions from siblings even though they are usually much more understanding. But in difference from your parents, they are most likely not dreaming about your wedding the same way as your parents might. Sometimes you might fear that your parents are going to lose it if you tell them. Perhaps a sibling could be a better option, and then leave it as a surprise to your parents to avoid the drama.
Your friends are usually very supportive, but sometimes weddings can also unfortunately show the “right face” of people. They might have opinions, doubts, or just not be very convinced about your plans. If you decide to tell your friends in advance, you might want to think twice before telling all of them. If you want to avoid getting opinions from everyone you could perhaps choose one or two friends that you know will have your back.
How to make family and friends feel included?
Firstly, remember that an elopement doesn’t necessarily have to mean that it’s only the two of you. It could also be a handful of guests. Many couples who decide to do their elopement with just a few witnesses many times picks either their parents, or their best friends.
Another way of including family is by letting them come with you to the city hall. Remember, when you’re eloping in Spain you need to get legally married in your country either before or after your elopement in Spain in order for the marriage to be legally validated. Something that I really recommend for elopements is to hire a professional videographer who will capture the entire day. It’s something completely different to see the actual moment captured on film. Another alternative is to live stream the ceremony, or organize a party at another moment back home. It all comes down to the reason why you are deciding to elope in the first place.
The bottom point of all this is, it’s difficult to keep everyone happy. Therefore you should do what makes you happy! It’s your day! If your dream is to get married just the two of you on a cliff, then you should definitely do it! And for those who are offended or sad because of your choice; they’ll get over it!